Sorry, I cant control my emotional mood, again... || Back to top.
♥ Still, it's really difficult to manage that.... I just cant think on the brighter side, I did tried my very best... and this really leads me into depression and just emo, emo and emo. And I feel like crying after I finished a blogger's post that just same as the condition as mine.
I need fresh air and a relief. Haih~
Yes, I dont have any real friends... I spent most of the time on myself, sometimes it was so awful to being alone... Hmm maybe I should look for a brighter side you see, this is called life. Perhaps I've already used to it, perhaps I born to being alone.. Why I have to deserves that much? Why me? I've thought really deep on that... For really long time thou... (If readers really notice bout my blog) If I keep standing right the same place and being like this, the problem will not be solved and get over...
So, I try to move on... moving on... Im not going to cry and emo in my room for whole day... or cut myself or whatsoever... Yea, I admit I really hope that someone that I love that jump into my life wanting to love me like the way I want them to love me. Am I too desperate? Hmm... I just want to be needed, I want to be loved, I want to matter to someone. I want someone to be obsessed about me and never want to live without me.... Is it possible??
Back to reality... I know it's cruel... Especially the time that I've decided to stop taking my course, like my future path... I have to leave everything there and start a new one. And Im not really sure and confidence if I could do better then that... But when Im thinking back, is this what I really want? Perhaps it's a chance for me to get away completely? I just cant stop to think this and that... My brain is hurting me and caused me for damn insomnia for a few nights...
I want to go back and start a new begining and I know it's impossible... I started to feel so regret... Just hate myself, really... sigh. Damn.
I've just realized that Im nothing, empty and a zero to them. How nice.
I think it'll be better if I dont no them, I meant just pretend to forgot all of them completely. Shouldnt I repeat my studies and join another one? Is it a good choice for me or Im just wanna to escape myself from the situation and get over this hurtful thing?!
Argghh it was really hurt. What I should do when I face them anymore?!
I really confessed I dont have any real friends in my life. How good. Im exhausted, really. Sigh.
♥ Hello =) I had been neglecting my blog, again. Teeheeeee XD Really nothing really happening nowadays... Just wake up early for classes, Lrt, study then Lrt, back home, online, sleep... Routine keeps repeating and repeating... Damn bored sighhhed =(
I miss clubs hmm just sometimes, honestly... Lonely either, just sometimes seriously... My life's really fragile I can see arghhh... And I didnt work anymore after my college had started. Really fucking tired after rushing those assignments. When I feel really really bored, I'll just grabs some interesting books and magazine, I think books only can get rid my boredness away, since I dont have any bf, real friends larh... My life's damn fragile. Sighed.
Ohh Im started to be a Twilights fans haha, watched many times for Twilight movies and bought the book series too. Love Edward and Bella. Envy their love story. Hmmm sounds a little outdated huh?! Twilight is kinda old for now. Hoping for the New Moon movie =)
Okay. Just update a few things here^^
Yesterday afternoon went to SUB international make up and beauty school for be my friend Chooi Yan make up model. I dont feel really wanna go honestly haha, but I had promised her so just go there without any guiltyness. Almost fell asleep when the make up test started, damn tired that time XD
The make-up test's topic is the creative make-up. =)
Love the creative make up <3
Fuckin' fatty me as usual =p
The groupie pic of the day. Ahhh my bread face =(
*
*
Lastly, posted a little pics of the quattro night as I said in my previous post =)
Veny the sweetie =)
Maybe clubbing is only can reduce my loneliness. WTF
♥ Hey everyone ^^ It's the time to update for my blog and what happened about me nowadays..
I've been looking for some freelance job for this few weeks, really hopes to earn some money since I've lots of thing to buy and wanna do some saving too =p But no matter how, Im gonna spent most of them in my hair, outfits, cosmetics etc. A superb spender XD But I really have to control myself to no over-spending =(
Yeap. I work for another event company again, for selling Gin at Cocobanana. They have to see my first testing day before they hire me. I know Im sucks in doing sales but I tried to do more sales as more as I can, maybe I dont have a good-looking face, not hot at all as Lena Fujii or any superb hot model from Victoria Secret, and couldnt speaks well like my senior does. I think that day was the most bad and awkward day that I ever had. When I first arrived there, I saw alots of shooter girls selling tequilla and vodka from other agent too. Many competitors. The bad thing is, I saw my previous agent!!! I've trying to hide myself away from them, but I failed. It's impossible to hide away from them caused they all are working in the club same as mine. The girls, the supervisor, the manager and other staffs all are there!!! They saw me, working for another agent. How Im gonna concentrate on my job with many pairs of eyes looking at me?!! They'll judge and tease at me why still some other agent will hire a useless worker like me. Im sooo awkward and sad that time. They dont hire me it's because I couldnt do well on sales. This was my first time to lost a job. And now, they saw me working for another agent!!! I felt so inferior and really upset. Why I cant do well in sales like my senior does, my sales on that day even less than a new girl and she dont have any experience at all!! Why Im sooo stupid??!!! I cried and really feels like refuse to continue my job, I wanna go home!! How Im gonna be a good marketing student?! Im so stupid!!!
I felt so weak that time, why that's no one could understand me, comfort me and always stand by just for me?! I even dont have any real friends... my parents will not always beside me and live with me and care about me forever, they'll leave me one day too... How can I live without them?
Im tired to forced myself be tough and strong... Sigh...
To see where we went wrong’cause there’s no one left to finger
There’s no one here to blame
There’s no one left to talk to, honey
And there ain’t no one to buy our innocence’cause we are born innocent
Believe me adia, we are still innocent
It’s easy, we all falter
Does it matter?
Adia I thought that we could make it
But I know I can’t change the way you feel
I leave you with your misery
A friend who won’t betray
I pull you from your tower
I take away your pain
And show you all the beauty you possess
If you’d only let yourself believe that
We are born innocent
Believe me adia, we are still innocent
It’s easy, we all falter, does it matter?
Believe me adia, we are still innocent’cause we are born innocent
Adia we are still innocent
It’s easy, we all falter ... but does it matter?
♥ Motha F*cker CheeBye this song really makes so emo and wanna cry when I heard it.. I think I heard it from one of an episode of GossipGirl I guess, cant think of it when I heard it before...
Love it so much... by Sarah McLachlan- Adia.
p/s: Tracy, you gonna learn to be more tough and independent. dont wanna to think about him anymore...
Hello Hi, my name is Tracy Teo. Born in 19th October 1990, from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Love and appreciates beautiful things in life. Currently taking professional make up course and work as a freelancer.
+ the lifeline
My email: tracytyc90@hotmail.com
Msn is only for my real life friends =)
Wednesday, June 24, 2009 | 3:34 AM
Sorry, I cant control my emotional mood, again... || Back to top.
♥ Still, it's really difficult to manage that.... I just cant think on the brighter side, I did tried my very best... and this really leads me into depression and just emo, emo and emo. And I feel like crying after I finished a blogger's post that just same as the condition as mine.
I need fresh air and a relief. Haih~
Yes, I dont have any real friends... I spent most of the time on myself, sometimes it was so awful to being alone... Hmm maybe I should look for a brighter side you see, this is called life. Perhaps I've already used to it, perhaps I born to being alone.. Why I have to deserves that much? Why me? I've thought really deep on that... For really long time thou... (If readers really notice bout my blog) If I keep standing right the same place and being like this, the problem will not be solved and get over...
So, I try to move on... moving on... Im not going to cry and emo in my room for whole day... or cut myself or whatsoever... Yea, I admit I really hope that someone that I love that jump into my life wanting to love me like the way I want them to love me. Am I too desperate? Hmm... I just want to be needed, I want to be loved, I want to matter to someone. I want someone to be obsessed about me and never want to live without me.... Is it possible??
Back to reality... I know it's cruel... Especially the time that I've decided to stop taking my course, like my future path... I have to leave everything there and start a new one. And Im not really sure and confidence if I could do better then that... But when Im thinking back, is this what I really want? Perhaps it's a chance for me to get away completely? I just cant stop to think this and that... My brain is hurting me and caused me for damn insomnia for a few nights...
I want to go back and start a new begining and I know it's impossible... I started to feel so regret... Just hate myself, really... sigh. Damn.
I've just realized that Im nothing, empty and a zero to them. How nice.
I think it'll be better if I dont no them, I meant just pretend to forgot all of them completely. Shouldnt I repeat my studies and join another one? Is it a good choice for me or Im just wanna to escape myself from the situation and get over this hurtful thing?!
Argghh it was really hurt. What I should do when I face them anymore?!
I really confessed I dont have any real friends in my life. How good. Im exhausted, really. Sigh.
♥ Hello =) I had been neglecting my blog, again. Teeheeeee XD Really nothing really happening nowadays... Just wake up early for classes, Lrt, study then Lrt, back home, online, sleep... Routine keeps repeating and repeating... Damn bored sighhhed =(
I miss clubs hmm just sometimes, honestly... Lonely either, just sometimes seriously... My life's really fragile I can see arghhh... And I didnt work anymore after my college had started. Really fucking tired after rushing those assignments. When I feel really really bored, I'll just grabs some interesting books and magazine, I think books only can get rid my boredness away, since I dont have any bf, real friends larh... My life's damn fragile. Sighed.
Ohh Im started to be a Twilights fans haha, watched many times for Twilight movies and bought the book series too. Love Edward and Bella. Envy their love story. Hmmm sounds a little outdated huh?! Twilight is kinda old for now. Hoping for the New Moon movie =)
Okay. Just update a few things here^^
Yesterday afternoon went to SUB international make up and beauty school for be my friend Chooi Yan make up model. I dont feel really wanna go honestly haha, but I had promised her so just go there without any guiltyness. Almost fell asleep when the make up test started, damn tired that time XD
The make-up test's topic is the creative make-up. =)
Love the creative make up <3
Fuckin' fatty me as usual =p
The groupie pic of the day. Ahhh my bread face =(
*
*
Lastly, posted a little pics of the quattro night as I said in my previous post =)
Veny the sweetie =)
Maybe clubbing is only can reduce my loneliness. WTF
♥ Hey everyone ^^ It's the time to update for my blog and what happened about me nowadays..
I've been looking for some freelance job for this few weeks, really hopes to earn some money since I've lots of thing to buy and wanna do some saving too =p But no matter how, Im gonna spent most of them in my hair, outfits, cosmetics etc. A superb spender XD But I really have to control myself to no over-spending =(
Yeap. I work for another event company again, for selling Gin at Cocobanana. They have to see my first testing day before they hire me. I know Im sucks in doing sales but I tried to do more sales as more as I can, maybe I dont have a good-looking face, not hot at all as Lena Fujii or any superb hot model from Victoria Secret, and couldnt speaks well like my senior does. I think that day was the most bad and awkward day that I ever had. When I first arrived there, I saw alots of shooter girls selling tequilla and vodka from other agent too. Many competitors. The bad thing is, I saw my previous agent!!! I've trying to hide myself away from them, but I failed. It's impossible to hide away from them caused they all are working in the club same as mine. The girls, the supervisor, the manager and other staffs all are there!!! They saw me, working for another agent. How Im gonna concentrate on my job with many pairs of eyes looking at me?!! They'll judge and tease at me why still some other agent will hire a useless worker like me. Im sooo awkward and sad that time. They dont hire me it's because I couldnt do well on sales. This was my first time to lost a job. And now, they saw me working for another agent!!! I felt so inferior and really upset. Why I cant do well in sales like my senior does, my sales on that day even less than a new girl and she dont have any experience at all!! Why Im sooo stupid??!!! I cried and really feels like refuse to continue my job, I wanna go home!! How Im gonna be a good marketing student?! Im so stupid!!!
I felt so weak that time, why that's no one could understand me, comfort me and always stand by just for me?! I even dont have any real friends... my parents will not always beside me and live with me and care about me forever, they'll leave me one day too... How can I live without them?
Im tired to forced myself be tough and strong... Sigh...
To see where we went wrong’cause there’s no one left to finger
There’s no one here to blame
There’s no one left to talk to, honey
And there ain’t no one to buy our innocence’cause we are born innocent
Believe me adia, we are still innocent
It’s easy, we all falter
Does it matter?
Adia I thought that we could make it
But I know I can’t change the way you feel
I leave you with your misery
A friend who won’t betray
I pull you from your tower
I take away your pain
And show you all the beauty you possess
If you’d only let yourself believe that
We are born innocent
Believe me adia, we are still innocent
It’s easy, we all falter, does it matter?
Believe me adia, we are still innocent’cause we are born innocent
Adia we are still innocent
It’s easy, we all falter ... but does it matter?
♥ Motha F*cker CheeBye this song really makes so emo and wanna cry when I heard it.. I think I heard it from one of an episode of GossipGirl I guess, cant think of it when I heard it before...
Love it so much... by Sarah McLachlan- Adia.
p/s: Tracy, you gonna learn to be more tough and independent. dont wanna to think about him anymore...
